"Fathers Day" Through The Lens Of Healing and Survival.
Father’s Day is a celebration of love, gratitude, and family bonds. But for those with abusive or narcissistic fathers, these occasions can feel isolating, triggering, or even hypocritical. If your father’s presence has been a source of pain, you’re not alone. This blog isn’t about forcing gratitude or reconciliation—it’s about honoring your journey, reclaiming peace, and finding ways to navigate these days on your own terms.
1. Acknowledging the Conflict:
Society often romanticizes fatherhood, making it hard to voice feelings of resentment or grief. But your emotions are valid. It’s okay to feel angry or guilty. Father’s day floods social media with idealized posts. It’s normal to feel torn between societal expectations and your reality. Toxic relationships thrive on obligation. Reminding yourself that self-preservation isn’t selfish is necessary. You may find yourself in a guilt trap: “Should I reach out? Forgive? Pretend?” It’s ok to reframe the narrative and spend these days honoring your resilience.
2. Redefining What Celebration Means to You.
You don’t owe anyone performative gestures. Instead, reclaim the day in ways that center your healing. We can create new rituals, such as lighting a candle for inner peace, writing a letter (you don’t have to send it), or spending time with chosen family. Focus on other role models. Celebrate a mentor, friend, or community member who embodies the support you deserve.
Embody the spiritual essence of this day by celebrating the values of forgiveness, reflection, gratitude, and self-nurturing.
3. Boundaries as Self-Love:
Setting boundaries is an act of courage, not cruelty. One can set physical boundaries by declining gatherings if they risk harm. You’re allowed to say, “I’m prioritizing my well-being today.” Emotional boundaries can be maintained by muting triggering social media posts or curating your feed with uplifting content. Releasing the “duty” to fix the relationship can honor our internal boundaries. Remember, healing starts with accepting what you can’t change.
4. Healing Through Community:
Isolation magnifies pain. Seeking solidarity with a tribe that resonates with you can bring peace and comfort. Connecting with support groups (online or offline) for survivors of narcissistic abuse and or finding professional support through Therapists specializing in family trauma can help unpack complex emotions. We can also volunteer, share a meal with friends, or donate to a cause—actions that reflect your values.
5. When Forgiveness Isn’t the Goal:
Forgiveness is often pushed as a “cure” in our societies, but it’s not mandatory, especially if it means excusing harm. Instead, we can forgive ourselves for the times we blamed ourselves, stayed silent, or wished for a different parent. Prioritize acceptance over closure.You may never get an apology or acknowledgment. Healing begins when we stop waiting for one.
6: Your Peace is the Priority:
Father’s Day or any other holiday can still hold meaning, not as tributes to someone who hurt you, but as reminders of your strength. You’re allowed to grieve the father you deserved, celebrate the person you’ve become, and redefine these days as milestones of your growth.
Feel free to use this affirmation today or any other day: “My worth isn’t tied to his actions. I choose peace today.”
Helpful Resources:
- Hotlines or therapy platforms (e.g., BetterHelp, Talkspace, NAMI.org, or check your local mental health services).
- Books: Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson, Will I Ever Be Good Enough? by Karyl McBride. “It’s not you” by Dr Ramani Darvasula. “Healing the Adult Children of Narcissists: Essays on The Invisible War Zone and Exercises for Recovery” by Sahida Arabi