Signs of Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN)

Sara, who was 10 at the time, could never work out why she would shake whenever she tried to tell her parents what was on her mind.

She received everything a child is supposed to be given. Gifts and balloons on birthdays, the tiffin with healthy meals that had to be monitored every day during her school hours, tidy paid tuition. From the outside, her life seemed perfect to everyone. Yet one thing was always missing: “How are you feeling, Sara?” This silence around emotions felt louder than a scolding. 

As time passed by, this lack of emotional support kept growing into something called childhood emotional neglect (CEN). CEN happens when the child’s emotional needs are not met or are ignored over time. We cannot blame parents because most often it occurs unintentionally, though it can also happen intentionally and can have both long-term and short-term effects. 

Children may not be competent enough to express their emotional needs. They may not say, “I feel sad” or “I need comfort,” but we as caregivers should be aware of the signs when a child needs emotional support, so that they do not feel neglected or dismissed. Children often need the help of elders to navigate through the challenges they face in life. It becomes quite difficult for a child to handle the distress caused by emotional neglect. 

Studies have also reported that childhood emotional maltreatment was associated with increasing chances of experiencing mental health disorders like anxiety, depression and substance use disorder (Taillieu, Brownridge, Sareen, & Afifi, 2016). Children always need someone to listen to them and validate their feelings. When this doesn’t happen, they feel overlooked and ignored. We, as caregivers, need to be compassionate and truly listen to their emotions instead of brushing their feelings aside. Research shows that this kind of behaviour often stems from caregivers own mental health issues (Donson, 2023) 

What does Emotional neglect look like?

 Signs of emotional neglect in children may include:

• Lack of confidence   
• Social withdrawal
• Emotional volatility
• Difficulty controlling emotions
• Depression
•  Anxiety
• Age-inappropriate behaviour

Signs that a parent is emotionally neglecting a child:

• Indifference to the emotions of the child
• Not meeting the child’s needs
• Considering the child as a burden
• Labeling the child as “bad.”
• Parental substance use

How does CEN show up in adult life?

Since CEN is often unintentional, the effects of it may develop later in life, shaping a person’s adult relationships and emotional patterns. Those who grow up with unmet emotional needs may have a hard time making friends. They may experience emotional numbness when it comes to showing emotions. Many turn to people-pleasing behaviors as a way to feel valued and worthy. Some adults use distractions or addictions to deal with negative emotions. 

Way towards healing:

The foremost thing in healing from CEN begins with acknowledging its impact and being compassionate toward oneself. Being emotionally neglected in childhood shapes how we view ourselves, regulate our emotions, and relate to others. Healing involves practicing self-compassion, awareness of one’s own emotions, and acknowledging them. Practices like yoga, mindfulness, and deep breathing can help manage overwhelming emotions. 

If you feel you may have experienced CEN and that has led to anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), or substance use, it is time to seek professional help from a therapist. A therapist can help in healing from the impact it has had on mental health, relationships, and quality of life. Remember, childhood emotional neglect was never your fault, but choosing not to seek professional help when you need it can hold you back in the cycle of trauma.

 Healing is definitely possible, and trusting that process is essential because it takes time. Hold onto your belief in recovery because faith is what keeps you moving forward after experiencing emotional neglect. 

References:

Donson, D. (2023, August 18). How childhood emotional neglect can show up in our adult life. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/childhood-emotional-neglect-in-adulthood-7568040 

Gillette, H. (2022, October 24). Childhood emotional neglect: Signs, effects, and how to cope. PsychCentral. https://psychcentral.com/health/emotional-neglect-childhood#Signs-of-emotional-neglect-in-children

Marston, E. (2024, July 23). Childhood emotional neglect: Signs, effects, & how to heal. Choosing Therapy. https://www.choosingtherapy.com/childhood-emotional-neglect/ Taillieu, T. L., Brownridge, D. A., Sareen, J., & Afifi, T. O. (2016). Childhood emotional maltreatment and mental disorders: Results from a nationally representative adult sample from the United States. Child Abuse & Neglect, 59, 1–12. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chiabu.2016.07.005