Derealization: A personal And A Clinical Perspective Of Coping And Healing From This State.
I had just given my dad a goodbye hug at the airport as I was returning to Ohio after a month-long trip to attend my brother's wedding in Kashmir, India. The jubilation and joy of the wedding had filled me with a warm, happy feeling.
I was now eagerly awaiting my dad’s visit to Ohio, as we had planned. He was supposed to help watch my young kids while I returned to work. Exhausted from the jet lag, I was in a state of deep sleep when my phone rang. My brother’s voice, heavy with sorrow, sounded so muffled and distant: “Dad passed away. He had a heart attack.”, my brother said. The rest of the conversation, I can not recall to this day.
Time seemed to freeze, as my body went rigid. I wanted to cry, to scream, to release the torrent of emotions swirling inside me, but I was paralyzed. The details of his passing slipped through my fingers like sand, leaving only the stark reality: that my father was gone.
Sadly, circumstances did not allow me to travel back so soon after such a long trip with two young children. I couldn’t attend his funeral. I couldn't be with my loved ones, to vent , and grieve, and say a final good bye to my Dad. That absence halted my normal grieving process.
Days turned into an endless loop of routines. I was merely a spectator in my own existence. The vibrant colors of life had faded into a dull gray, as if everything had come to a stand still. I felt detached from the world around me. My responsibilities as a mother and professional weighed heavily on me, yet I trudged through the motions—feeding my children, preparing lunches, driving them to school.
One fateful day, as I dropped my child off, the familiar corridors of her school suddenly became a labyrinth of confusion. I was lost in a place I had navigated for years. The walls closed in as panic threatened to consume me. I felt adrift in a sea of numbness. I longed for clarity, for connection, but all I felt was the chill of isolation.
As a psychiatrist, I understood the mechanics of grief and anxiety, yet the human part of me was struggling to cope. In that moment of disorientation, I knew I had to summon the very tools I taught my clients. I closed my eyes, inhaled deeply, and recited lines from my holy book, allowing the familiar words to anchor me. With each breath, the weight of despair began to lift, the haze slowly dissipating. I focused on the rhythm of my breathing, creating a sanctuary of calm amidst the chaos.
Gradually, the world sharpened, colors returned, and the corridor transformed back into a familiar path. Grounded once more, I found my way to my child’s classroom—a small but meaningful victory in the face of overwhelming grief. That moment made me deeply feel the pain of my clients who spend not just days but years in the state we call "Derealization"
What Is Derealization?
Derealization is a dissociative state that involves a feeling of detachment or disconnection from one's surroundings. People experiencing derealization may perceive the world around them as unreal, dreamlike, foggy, or distorted. This sensation can lead to a sense of unreality regarding people, objects, or the environment, making it feel as though they are living in a movie or that life is not happening around them in a tangible way.
As we continue to explore the intricacies of derealization and its impact on individuals, it's essential to acknowledge the importance of self-compassion during such challenging experiences. The journey through derealization can be disorienting and isolating, but understanding that you are not alone in your feelings can be comforting.
Many people experience derealization as a temporary way to cope during times of shock, grief, trauma, or extreme stress, like the one I had experienced about a decade ago, with the sudden, unexpected loss of my father, who was very dear to me. Derealization is not only associated with one's environment, feeling strange or distorted. But even the colors may appear muted, and sounds may feel different—either amplified or subdued.
Individuals may feel disconnected from their emotions, as if they are observing their life rather than actively participating in it. It is also a symptom of various mental health conditions, including anxiety disorders, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and can be felt during panic attacks.
Derealization may often be confused by professionals or individuals as some form of psychosis, but it is not a psychotic state. While individuals experiencing derealization feel that their surroundings are unreal, they still possess insight into their experience and usually recognize that it is not reality.
If someone is experiencing derealization frequently or it is impacting their daily life, it may be beneficial for them to seek help from a mental health professional, as treatment can help address the underlying causes and provide coping strategies.
If you are experiencing this state, whether temporarily due to sudden loss, or a sudden traumatic event , or you have been in this state for a prolonged period of time due to any other serious mental health condition, it is helpful to cultivate a mindset of patience and understanding towards oneself.
Recovery from derealization is not always linear, and there may be setbacks along the way. Embracing the ups and downs of this journey can empower individuals to navigate their experiences with grace.
Coping Strategies for Derealization.
Besides seeking professional help, below are some of the strategies that you can incorporate in your daily life to ground yourself and find relief from this somewhat scary and uncomfortable state of mind.
Journaling: Writing down your feelings, experiences, and reflections can provide clarity and serve as an outlet for emotional expression. This practice can help you track your progress and identify patterns or triggers that contribute to derealization.
Establishing Routine: Creating a daily routine can provide a sense of structure and stability, grounding you in the present moment. Predictable activities can help reduce feelings of uncertainty and promote a sense of normalcy.
Limit Exposure to Triggers: Identifying and limiting exposure to situations or stimuli that exacerbate derealization can be an important step in managing symptoms. This may involve setting boundaries with certain relationships or environments that contribute to stress and anxiety.
Connect with Others: Building connections with others who have experienced derealization can foster a sense of community and understanding. Support groups, either in-person or online, can provide a safe space to share experiences and coping strategies.
Practice Gratitude: Engaging in a gratitude practice by acknowledging the positive aspects of your life, no matter how small, can help shift your perspective. This practice can promote a greater sense of connection to your surroundings and improve overall emotional well-being.
Art Therapy: Engaging in creative activities, such as painting, drawing, or crafting, can also be beneficial. Art therapy allows individuals to express themselves non-verbally, which can be particularly useful when feeling detached or disconnected from their emotions.
Seek Professional Guidance: If symptoms persist or worsen, reaching out to a mental health professional for guidance and support is imperative. They can help tailor a treatment plan that suits your unique needs and provide additional resources to assist in your recovery journey.
Ultimately, navigating the complexities of derealization requires a holistic approach that encompasses emotional, psychological, and social dimensions. By integrating various strategies and seeking support, individuals can work towards regaining a sense of connection with themselves and the world around them.
Remember, healing is a process, and every step taken towards understanding and managing derealization is a step toward reclaiming your sense of self and reality.
References
Verywell Health – “How to Identify Derealization”
Verywell Health Verywell Mind – “Depersonalization,
Derealization, and Panic Attacks” Verywell Mind
Verywell Health – “What Happens When You Dissociate?
Verywell Health Health.com – “What Is Derealization?”
Health Scientific American – “When Things Feel Unreal, Is That a Delusion or an Insight
Scientific American PubMed Review – Depersonalization-Derealization Disorder: Etiology, Diagnosis, Management
PubMed ScienceDirect – “Emotion Regulation Strategies Moderate Derealization Symptoms”
ScienceDirect NCBI (PMC) – “Psychotherapy and Pharmacotherapy for Depersonalization/Derealization Disorder PMC
Wikipedia – “Derealization” Wikipedia